Joss Whedon’s ex-wife Kai Cole is blasting him in an essay, outing her ex for cheating multiple times throughout their marriage and calling him a deceitful liar.
Kai, an architect and producer claims that her ex, famous writer/director Joss cheated on her multiple times over the course of their 16 year marriage, in a piece for The Wrap.
There were times in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with the attention Joss paid other women. He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better. He said he admired and respected females, he didnt lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of Buffy, Joss decided to have his first secret affair.
Fifteen years later, when he was done with our marriage and finally ready to tell the truth, he wrote me, When I was running Buffy, I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I cant touch it. But he did touch it. He said he understood, I would have to lie or conceal some part of the truth for the rest of my life, but he did it anyway, hoping that first affair, would be ENOUGH, that THEN we could move on and outlast it.
Kai writes that Joss had a dual lifepretending to be a hardcore feminist in his professional life, while lying to her about his sexual dalliances at home.
Despite understanding, on some level, that what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching feminist ideals, while at the same time, taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth. He deceived me for 15 years, so he could have everything he wanted. I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for womens rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.
I thought we were a couple, a team. I was a powerful influence on the career choices Joss made during the 20 years we were together (we lived together for four years before marrying). I kept him grounded, and helped him find the quickest way to the success he so deeply craved. I loved him. And in return, he lied to me. A lot. He said, after he left, he understood: Its not just like I killed you, but that Id done it subtly, over years. That Id been poisoning you. Chipping away at you. He made me doubt my own instincts and watched me move further away from my personal values and social mores, trying to connect with him, never telling me it was impossible. By the time he finally confessed the truth, 15 years after his first affair on the set of Buffy, I was broken. My brain could not fit my experience of our life together, through the new lens of his deceit.
Kai claims that she was the one to suggest he turn Buffy The Vampire Slayer into a television show, and for helping him create strong powerful female characters in his in his shows and movies Buffy, Firefly, Dollhouse, and the Avengers.
Kai says she now deals with PTSD and wants to let other women know that he is not who he pretends to be.
I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches.
In May it was reported that Joss filed for divorce back in December 6, 2012. The two had separated eight months prior on April 20, 2012. They share two children, 14-year-old Arden Avery and 12-year-old Squire Annelee.
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