Things I Dont Want to See in My Rearview Mirror on Halloween – The New Yorker

The guy from Saw tailgating me.

The guy from Saw tailgating me while using the puppet from Saw to drive, making the tailgating even more dangerous.

The guy from Saw tailgating me and screaming out of his window that his name is Jigsaw, and that there are lots of people who could be considered to be the guy from Saw, so I need to refer to him in a less ambiguous manner.

The It clown drinking and driving.

The It clown drinking and driving in a cop car.

The It clown drinking and driving in a decommissioned military-police tank that is flying a Thin Blue Line flag.

Hannibal Lecter holding a recipe book titled Good Eating Man, but, when he moves his arm that was around the front of the book, it reads How to Feel Good Eating a Man.

Freddy Krueger climbing onto the back of my car, obscuring my view of whats going on behind me on the highway.

Freddy Krueger climbing onto the back of my car and placing a large MAGA bumper sticker on my back window that is almost impossible to get off.

Freddy Krueger climbing onto the back of my car and using his finger knives to slowly scrape off the MAGA sticker, making an awful scratching noise inside the car and leaving it half scratched off, only to put on an even bigger QAnon bumper sticker after finishing.

The girl from The Exorcist speeding because shes about to give birth and is trying to reach a hospital to safely deliver her demon spawn.

The girl from The Exorcist screaming through her window at me, pointing out that its unfair of me to assume that her children will be demon spawn.

Dracula flying extremely close to my rear window, waiting for me to brake so he can smash through it and sue me in a frivolous personal-injury lawsuit.

The lawyer that I hired to fight against the lawsuit being bitten by Dracula.

The reflection of Dracula, which means that this is not, in fact, Dracula, but just a guy who has dressed up that way, built a working flying machine, and murdered a lawyer, all for no apparent reason, which is perhaps even scarier than the real Dracula.

Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance, from The Shining, using an axe to smash through my rear window, thereby ruining my no-claims bonus on my insurance.

Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall, from As Good As It Gets, using the dog from the film, Verdell, to smash through my rear window, thereby creating a horrible mess and ruining my no-claims bonus.

My own reflection, realizing that the scariest thing is confronting my inner demons and going on a journey of self-discovery.

Link:
Things I Dont Want to See in My Rearview Mirror on Halloween - The New Yorker

Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero