U.K.’s Daily Mail warns Harry and Meghan that Canada’s full of vampire flies, morally bankrupt bears, and poutine – Straight.com

The funny thing about Canadians is that we like to think that we're more cultured than we probably are.

Keeping things positive for a second, to live in the Great White North is to spend all of your disposable income walking the magical sands of Long Beach in Tofino by day, and stuffing one's face with goma eggplant and tuna tataki at Kuma at night.

Or to lounge by the lake in Ontario's Muskokas sippingRoyal DeMaria Meritage Icewine while a mixtape featuring the best of Leonard Cohen, Neil Young, and the Tragically Hip plays on the brushed chrome Beonsound 2 stereo system. Or tospend fall weekends diningon house-made lobster thermidor while enjoying the insanely perfect view from theQuirpon Lighthouse Innon Newfoundland's Iceberg Alley.

Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of Tourism Canada, the rest of the world still tends to see us differently. To those on the outside looking in, we're a country where Black Label is the national drink, mack jackets are issued at birth, and every home has a snowmobile parked in the garage.

It's no suprise then that England's Daily Mail has been whipping up Britain's common rabble ever since Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced that they plan to spend large chunks of their next few years in Canada.

This morning the London-based tabloid ran a story under the headline:

After praising our fabled natural beauty, writer Richard Addis (who once lived in Toronto) paints a picture of a country that will leave those who live north of the 49th parallel wondering if it's time to move to a more civilized place. Like Alabama. OrAshgabat, Turkmenistan.

According to Addis, Canada is a place where Harry and Meghan are going to have to exercise extreme caution because:

Makingthis doubly hilarious is that news reports have Harry and Meghan settling in pleasantly temperate, sea-level Victoria, BC--a place where the average temperature in January is well above freezing, at 8 degrees Celsius, and where the city is so famously bug-free thatmost houses don't even have screens on their windows. And that the only bear-spotting done in the city is at the Vicious Poodle

And there's more, eh, from Addis musing on everything from the way "Eh" is used in every sentence, to how ice-fishing is both a means of a survival and an unofficial national sport.

To be fair,the article isnot all entirely innacurate, with the piece nailing our national mindset with this observation: "They are moving to a country where you must never pull rank. Any attempt to do so by using title, status or simply sheer arrogance will be a failure."

After you've booked the U-Haul, you can read the whole articlehere.

Continue reading here:
U.K.'s Daily Mail warns Harry and Meghan that Canada's full of vampire flies, morally bankrupt bears, and poutine - Straight.com

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