I HAVE been performing in pantomimes for more than 50 years, and here is my guide to the best of the bunch this Christmas.
Im 70 now and made my debut at 17. Ive been playing the dame for more than 40 years.
This year I am starring as the hilarious Widow Twankey in Aladdin, at The Churchill Theatre, Bromley.
But with panto season upon us, the infamous chorus of: Hes behind you, will soon fill theatres all over the country.
I know what makes a great show and with hundreds of performances across the UK, packed with your favourite stars, there will be plenty of boos and hisses to go around.
From Snow White to Mother Goose, here is my guide to the best pantos in 2019.
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Beauty And The Beast (Grand Opera House Belfast, until Jan 12): This show has one of the greatest dames in the country and Im furious that he wont leave Belfast, because I would adore to play there.
Hes called May McFettridge. The times I have seen him, I have laughed hysterically not knowing one single thing that he said, because the Belfast accent is so strong. But he is the funniest dame ever. Theyve also got my friend Mandy Muden. She has appeared on Britains Got Talent with her really funny magic act.
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (Birmingham Hippodrome, until Feb 2): My dear friend, and Birds Of A Feather actress, Lesley Joseph, another fantastic panto stalwart, is starring here. A fairly new performer is a wonderful woman from Birmingham with a broad Brummie accent Doreen Tipton. She is hysterical.
The performance has two strong women and also the strongest man ever who has become a firm favourite with the locals. His name is Matt Slack and Slack he aint!
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Aladdin (Churchill Theatre, Bromley, until Jan 5): Starring possibly my favourite dame ever me. Ive worked with comedian Rikki Jay, who is playing Wishy. Washy is Max Fulham, who is a new talent. Hes a ventriloquist with a very funny monkey.
The two of them are real monkeys and will cause a lot of fun for the younger kids. Im really excited, I was last in Bromley 25 years ago and it has taken them that long to ask me back.
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (Alhambra Theatre, Bradford, until Jan 26): I was there last year with comedian Billy Pearce. Billy has been there for the past ten to 15 years. I had a great season with him and we broke a lot of box office records.
He will take to the stage with Paul Chuckle. Comedy act The Chuckle Brothers were an institution on television and theatre. Of course we lost Barry last year, but Paul is still going strong.
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Jack And The Beanstalk (Darlington Hippodrome, until Jan 5): I first did a panto here 45 years ago, and its a theatre that is very close to me. I did three years there on the run. This year theyve got the wonderful Shirley Ballas, head judge from Strictly, as Mother Nature. I think she will add a lot of sparkle.
Goldilocks And The Three Bears (Kings Theatre, Edinburgh, until Jan 19): This year, three major stars are back together. In 2019, ex-footballer Andy Gray was ill and couldnt do the pantomime. So Allan Stewart and Grant Stott did the performance. But now the triumphant trio are back again, which is great.
Goldilocks And The Three Bears (London Palladium, Jan 12): The Palladium is the mecca of all pantomime because its the most spectacular, the most wonderful, the most funny, the most outrageous pantomime in the country.
Its starring TV presenter Paul OGrady, comedian Julian Clary, former Blue Peter presenter Matt Baker, comedian Paul Zerdin, Coronation Street actor Nigel Havers, Benidorm actress Janine Duvitski and comedian and singer Gary Wilmot, who is a wonderful dame. You can tell from that cast its going to be pretty spectacular.
6
Jack And The Beanstalk (Kings Theatre, Glasgow, until Jan 5): A great theatre. Scottish actress Elaine C Smith, a dear friend of mine, is starring, and she is the most extraordinary woman.
Shes very funny, very clever and a wonderful panto performer. Shes playing the dame, which makes Elaine one of the few female dames, which is lovely.
Aladdin (Hull New Theatre, until Dec 29): Former Blue boyband member Simon Webbe, who I did Aladdin with last year, stars as Window Twankeys son Aladdin. I adore him, hes very clever, a lovely boy. And hes co-starring with Confessions actor Robin Askwith, who Ive known for about 150 years. And again, thats a wonderful double bill.
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (Opera House, Manchester, until Dec 29): This fantastic production has Strictly judge Craig Revel Horwood playing the Wicked Queen. The dame is played by Scottish actor Eric Potts and Muddles is by Ben Nickless, a very old friend of mine. Weve done panto together several times and hes a very clever comedian.
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Aladdin (Milton Keynes Theatre, until Jan 12): This will be hysterical as it has the hilarious Joe Pasquale, who is also co-director of the performance, as Wishee Washee. The glamour is musical theatre actor Lee Mead in the lead. He is absolutely fantastic. Lee is a great performer, and this will be a wonderful evening for all.
Beauty And The Beast (Theatre Royal Newcastle, until Jan 19): For the past 12 to 15 years this pantomime has had the same three stars. They are Newcastle panto favourites Danny Adams, Clive Webb and Chris Hayward. Theyre a wonderful combination.
Chris Hayward is one of the most glamorous dames ever absolutely beautiful. And the other two are hysterically funny.
Cinderella (Theatre Royal, Plymouth, until Jan 18): You cant get any better than this. Comedian and Strictly 2017 runner-up Brian Conley stars as Cinderellas best friend Buttons. Brian is the king of pantomime in my eyes. Hes a very funny man, a brilliant panto performer and just wonderful. The audience are in for a treat.
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Mother Goose (Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury, until Jan 12): This stars television presenter Dr Ranj Singh. Of course, hes a real doctor, so it will be interesting to see if he can tickle the audiences funny bone. Im sure he can.
Dick Whittington (Towngate Theatre, Basildon until Jan 5): This involves a very dear friend of mine who Ive done many pantomimes with, Simon Fielding. He stars, directs, he does the choreography, everything. Hes a brilliant panto performer and always gets a great response.
Cinderella (Cambridge Arts Theatre, until Jan 12): This stars Liza Goddard as The Fairy Godmother and dancer Wayne Sleep OBE as The Ugly Sister. Both Liza and Wayne are friends of mine and seasoned panto performers. I have no doubt they will light up the theatre and put on a spectacular show.
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Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero