I Want The Zombie Mom In Resident Evil VIII To Step On Me – TheGamer

The lovely lass in the big hat in Resident Evil VIII (Resident Evil Village? Resident Evil VIIIage?) is a certified HBIC and I'm here for it.

I don't know who she is. I don't know what she wants. Heck, I don't even know her name. But the lovely lass in the big hat in Resident Evil VIII (Resident Evil Village? Resident Evil VIIIage?) is a certified HBIC and I'm here for it.

Objectively speaking, "evil older women who probably want to kill you" is the most popular fetish in the world. Who doesn't want a woman, who's old enough to be your mom, to gaze deep into your eyes with nothing but the worst of intentions? Who among us hasn't daydreamed of evil, smirking cultists gathering around said woman and preparing to kill you, probably? And who, I ask, hasn't dreamed of said girl gang weirdly kissing your wrist, probably preparing to inject you with some sort of awful, deadly parasite?

Wait, just me? It's just me, isn't it. Moving on.

Related: PS5: Resident Evil VIIIage Is Real, And THAT Character Returns

If this is feeling a bit "garbage IGN article circa 2001" right now, I apologize. But it's hard to look at a game trailer so specifically designed for hard-working, honest-to-god bottoms and not feel excited. It feels like Capcom sees me. They know me. They know exactly what I want and what I'm about.

I'm about evil ladies who want to murder me stepping on me and looking at me with disdain. Whoever cut that trailer, whoever wrote this game knows that. To be honest? I feel more valid and seen than I have in a good, long while. From Twitter putdowns to cheap jokes, it's hard out here for a bottom. I feel so, so blessed that Capcom is bestowing this gift upon me. Whatever they want me to pay, however they want me to play it, I know that I'll be getting Resident Evil VIIIa8ge the very second that sucker comes out. Not for the return to VII's first-person aesthetic. Not for the inevitable Resident Evil 4 remake tease.

No. Only for her. The certified zombie mommy. Zommy? Mombie? Look, work with me here.

My only question is this: who is she, exactly? Right off the bat, I want to know more about this dom-y zombie mommy. I have to know more about her cultist cuties, her malevolent machinations, her decidedly retro glam chic aesthetic. Evil older women are great, but if I don't know why they're going to kill me, how am I supposed to get invested? Of course, that was just a teaser, so we're sure to know soon.

And it's a good thing, too. I'm already going to empty my wallet for a Resident Evil game - it's in my blood. But knowing that there's a sinister girlboss lurking in the game's code, ready to crush me under her heel at a moment's notice? I'm ready to pay up, simp, and be sheltered in the shade of her frankly comical hat.

Resident Evil VIII is due out next year on PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X.

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Bella Blondeau is a lovable miscreant with a heart of gold... or so she says.She likes long walks in dingy arcades, loves horror good and bad, and has a passion for anime girls of any and all varieties. Her favorite game is Nier: Automata, because she loves both robots and being sad.

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I Want The Zombie Mom In Resident Evil VIII To Step On Me - TheGamer

Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero