Neds zombie insurance: A short story from Write About Now – cleveland.com

Editors note: This is a piece of short fiction by a student in Write About Now, a partnership between cleveland.com and the non-profit Lake Erie Ink, to nurture teen writers. The program was created to honor late cleveland.com writer Nikki Delamotte, who volunteered at Lake Erie Ink. In the Write About Now program, reporters and editors work one-on-one with students to publish whatever they want to write news, creative nonfiction, fiction.

Twenty-eight-year-old Ned Lincoln, of Lincoln Insurance, climbed up the rickety steps of a rickety house, clipboard in hand. He reached out his knobby fingers to ring the doorbell. But before he could, an elderly lady burst out of the house swinging a broom, sending Ned scrambling down the steps for cover.

Get out, get out, get out! She yelled. But upon seeing Ned, her demeanor changed a bit. Oh, I'm sorry about that, young sir. See, I have quite the rodent problem, but my insurance doesnt cover it. But I digress What have you come here for?

Ned wasnt quite sure if he was in the presence of someone who was completely sane, but he spoke up anyway.

Um, maam, I am Mr. Lincoln, of Lincoln Insurance, the company I inherited from my father, and, um, I was wondering if ya needed some good and proper, ah, um, Zombie Attack Insurance? Upon hearing this, the woman slammed the door right in his face.

Another bust, Ned thought. When will I ever make a sale? Maybe Ill try that house down the road. But thirty-four slammed doors later, still nobody wanted to buy his Zombie Attack Insurance.

Ned got into his dented car, with its sky blue paint and back fins, and drove home down the potholed street. He tossed his hat onto its stand, then flopped down onto the drab couch. He blew the top layer of dust off of the coffee table, and the dust motes floating in the air formed a ghostly shape. It also formed inspiration for Ned! What if a ghost possessed me? Am I insured for that? Is anyone? I can sell Possession Insurance, along with my Zombie Attack Insurance, Werewolf Bite Insurance, and Vampirism Insurance! Ill be rich!

Weeks went by, hours of advertising door-to-door, but still, no sales. Nobody wanted Neds Zombie Insurance! And what a shame, because they were going to need it.

A week later, after another hard day of nothing to show for it, Ned sat down on his couch and turned on the hulking radio in the corner.

Breaking News! Boomed the news anchor, This is Vladimir Vladivostoff, with an urgent message! A small town in southern Minnesota has been attacked by zombies! And with so many of them, the apocalypse is imminent! Where did they come from? Nobody knows! What do they want? Everyone knows! Brains! So if you or someone you know has a brain, it would be wise to get some zombie insurance, if that exists. This has been Vladimir Vladivostoff. Have a good night.

This is it! This is it! The big break Ive been waiting for! Finally, finally, something really bad happened to people who dont have insurance for it! Im rich! Ned grabbed his keys and flew out into the garage. He hopped into his car and hit the gas. Door after door, house after house, sale after sale! With all of the people who wanted compensation for the zombification of their loved ones, Lincoln Insurance was about to prosper.

Later that week, Ned, who was relaxing after a day full of sales, turned on the radio again.

Breaking News! The anchor boomed, This is Vladimir Vladivostoff with an urgent message! Following the recent discovery of zombies in Minnesota, another incident, more on the supernatural side of things, has occurred. Truck driver Stan Dracula has been caught on camera turning into a bat to escape authorities, who suspect that he is the perpetrator of the very serious crime of sucking the ketchup right out of the bottle! The victims -- approximately thirty ketchup bottles -- were discovered with two suspicious-looking holes in the cap! This incident suggests the existence of vampires, another creature that not very many people have insurance for. If vampire bite insurance exists, you might want to get it! This has been Vladimir Vladivostoff. Have a good night.

Again, another win for Lincoln Insurance! Door after door, house after house, sale after sale! More urgent broadcasts from Vladimir Vladivostoff informed the world of werewolves and ghosts, and Lincoln Insurance was happy to offer insurance policies for all of them, to protect and compensate loved ones, in the event that someone was zombified.

They were making money! A lot of money! Just four months after the zombies attacked, Ned was making a profit!

Mister Lincoln? The estate is ready for you, drawled Bruce, the Butler of the Lincoln Estate, acquired after the ninth month of sales.

Yes! Ill be over shortly. Ned hung up, then stepped into the sleek, new limousine, and slid down out of the driveway. He had made it big, his family business booming. Ned patted himself on the back for having the business sense and foresight to capitalize on supernatural events.

But after three minutes of driving, the chauffeur stopped abruptly.

What is it, Tom? Ned questioned, worried. No answer. He looked through the front window, and to his amazement, found a fluorescent green beam coming from the sky! Where is it coming from? Ned stepped out of the car and spotted a floating disc far above the street. The beam was extending from a gap on the bottom of the disc, and Tom, the chauffeur, was being sucked into it!

Im coming to get you, Tom! shouted Ned. He ran over to the beam and looked up at the UFO. He felt a sudden rush of wind, and Ned flew up into the sky. He rose steadily, coming to a stop inside the ship. The entrance closed behind him. Small green people, wearing bowties and sombreros strode over to him, all holding what appeared to be ray guns? The creatures squabbled in a foreign tongue for a minute, then one of them raised its weapon and pointed it at Ned.

Why, oh, why didnt Vladimir tell me about this?

Sam Juli is an eighth-grader at Shaker Heights Middle School who enjoys drawing and learning Spanish. He is an avid reader and loves rock-climbing.

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Neds zombie insurance: A short story from Write About Now - cleveland.com

Reviewed and Recommended by Erik Baquero