Whenever I watch a zombie movie, I always imagine different ways that I could escape zombies if I ever found myself in that situation.
Im sure you can all relate.
Cmon now, admit it. When youre watching a horror movie, you wonder how youd do if you were in that situation.
Could you get away from that werewolf?
Would you make better decisions fleeing from that vampire?
Would you decide that maybe it wasnt a good idea to have sex in the woods with that cute summer camp counselor after all those other campers were found massacred by the guy in the hockey mask?
And when Im watching zombie movies and shows, I think about clever ways I might be able to potentially escape zombies. Because, you never know, I mean, even Nostradamus predicted there would be zombies in 2021, so you might be thanking me for this information in a few weeks.
Now, to be clear, Im talking about your standard issue, usual zombies that you see in TV and movies, the kind that move very slowly, shambling along, whose bodies are in a constant state of disrepair, and who seem very easily outrun, although of course their advantage is that, like the turtle vs. your hare, they dont get tired and, slow or not, they just keep moving. Plus, you have to sleep and they dont, so youd better get a really big head start on them so that they dont catch up to you while youre taking a nap.
But, again, Im thinking ahead of things that I might need someday if theres a zombie virus.
Up to this point, Ive also thought about climbing trees, sealing myself into bunkers and reinforced buildings, having an array of barbed wire fences and flamethrowers surrounding a building, and, one of my favorites, living on an island.
Because, as far as I can tell, zombies cant swim.
Or can they?
Im not sure.
My initial thought is that they cant swim. After all, theyre dead bodies, and dead bodies tend to not do so well in water. They get all bloated and explode very quickly out in the sun, floating along, so the zombies couldnt last long enough to get from the mainland out to an island.
Also, they cant really swim.
Swimming takes much more rapid movements than zombies seem to offer. So you would think they would sink rather quickly.
And then what, do they get eaten by fish? Do the fish then become zombies? Does the ocean get infected by the zombie virus and does everything in the ocean become zombified?
Or since they cant die, do they just float along, or sink to the bottom and then walk along the sea floor because they dont need to breathe and they can then technically walk all the way to the island to find you? But could they make it, or would the saltwater dissolve them eventually or would their flesh be slowly eaten away by sea creatures, and, again, would that turn them into zombies?
But regardless, I kind of like my island idea.
After all, if youre going to eventually die anyway, you might as well enjoy yourself on a tropical paradise until the time comes.
Plus, I love coconut.
And, it repels vampires.
Sean Leary is an author, director, artist, musician, producer and entrepreneur who has been writing professionally since debuting at age 11 in the pages of the Comics Buyers Guide. An honors graduate of the University of Southern California masters program, he has written over 50 books including the best-sellers The Arimathean, Every Number is Lucky to Someone and We Are All Characters.
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